How's it goin? I think I've finally accepted that this ain't ever really happening, so here's my proposal to you:
I'm down to just chat as friends and wind it all back to that 2 or 3 you had mentioned once, coz I think this whole public secret love letters game will probably just make our realities more and more insane over time. For sake of your and my sanity, I think it's time to move away from this medium. What do you think? Think we can just talk as friends? As artists still, but as friends? As muses still, but as a friends?
The 'nothing at all' strategy doesn't seem to be working very well. It's kind of a forbidden fruit phenomenon for me. Adam and Eve, you know how that story goes. I'm still reading everything you write. And judging from the stuff I'm reading, it seems you might be reading what I'm writing here too. So we've both just snuck our communications to this quiet little asynchronous world of beautiful swimming thoughts here, these secret notes; its damned beautiful - but we're both just lying to ourselves. I think we both know that we're never going to stop making art - not only because I refuse to commit creative suicide (I mean the past 3 weeks has been a re-awakening of words as a medium for me and I'm loving every second of it and I feel hella alive), but also because its frankly impossible.
So,
Heheh - this is funny isn't it?
The heart-break and the gushing tragic emotional woes. That was all real, I still feel weird and confusing pangs in the morning. But right now, I'm just thinking that it would be more of a tragedy if our friendship devolved into a one-dimensional world that is exclusively defined as a tragedy.
What if we just put aside these emotions. They've been felt, acknowledged, analyzed, and to me they've lived their lives. I liked talking to you b/c you were a friend that I could share stupid stories with, banter with, laugh about stupid shit with, and also extract meaning and beauty from the mundane with. And if we isolate the romantic longing (which I triggered into reality to begin with, for which I am sorry), I think a reasonably fine and appropriate type of friendship can still be had.
How about we both take 8 steps back, breathe, shake hands, and start over?
What do you think?
Roger