I woke up and was just in a really weird space. I felt like I was floating. I felt like this world was not real. I got up and put on some music and made coffee but my heart was filled with sadness and my head was filled with confusion. And I looked out the window and the sky was white and I sat down at my computer and made that thumping hear butterfly thing and decided I can't possibly be indoors today so I called my friend Lauren, she's sort of like my big sister. I told her to meet me at Ocean Beach, park @ the end of Judah. I got in my car and drove out there and we caught up for the first time in months and kicked the soccer ball around. We talked about life. We talked about direction. We talked about our 5 year goal. We are both lost. We both bonded over the fact that we knew that we didn't want to be doing what we are doing now in 5 years. We talked about how we both don't really belong in this tech space and even though we could keep riding it for a while and make decent money it feels hollow and meaningless. I told her I realized that my soul belongs in the physical, tangible world and in the realm of beauty and aesthetics. She told me she's realized that her soul belongs in the world of information, and taste, and curation. We kicked the ball around for two hours. She's not very good at kicking a soccer ball but she tried damn hard and I really appreciated. A dog tried to steal our ball. The ball is much too large for its mouth. So , we won. But it was good. We kicked the ball. And we chatted until the sun hid behind the clouds.
Charlotte came over this evening,
I told her how I woke up with my head in a a weird space.
And she asked why
and i tried to explain it, and as i spoke
I began to realize that I'm bored of my reality. Now that I'm alone and I wake up and spend my waking hours working on products I don't care about with people who's ambitions don't vibe with mine in soul, spirit and energy, I realized that this isn't how I want to live my 20s. I want to live. I want to throw myself at projects I care about. I want to make art. I want to make my art work for me. It's time to take the lessons learned from my forced period of disassociation between work and passion and find a way to merge the two again. It's not easy. But it's worth the fight. It has to be.
So Charlotte asked me what it is that really motivates me? What do I want to do? What kind of impact do I want to make on this world?
I told her: I want to create beautiful things.
My soul is in the world of art. My soul is in the world of aesthetics, and objects, and physicality, and space, and things. Tangible, sensory, things. This is my world. This is my jam. This is where I thrive, when I create for the sake of beauty.
And im really fucking glad i realized that today coz i thought back to what charles said to me when i was in LA. and its not about the money. its about finding something that you actually have fun doing. it has to be FUN. and im going to be a soul full of regret if i find a way to make money on this planet without having fucking fun while i do it. i want it all to not feel like work. i want to be on fire in this part of my life too.
I want to make beautiful things.
Charlotte left.
Greg came over.
Greg and I came up with this idea while we were in Italy working together.
We remembered it tonight because I told him all my thoughts I had today.
Greg and I want to create a tool that algorithmically creates beautiful patterns and tessellations.
We want to create a tool that allows people to design their own tessellations with their soul-colors, in their spirit-shapes, and cover any object in the world with their aesthetic.
It would be beautiful
Imagine a rubber ducky.
Imagine a rubber ducky covered in this pattern
It would be fucking amazing.
We spent all night talking about how we would do it.
How we would turn this into a business.
How we can make any pattern and then put it on any thing.
I know its completely absurd lol.
but i really want to leave this fucking homogenous place of one-sided capitalistic energy and swim amongst the delusional artists and spiritual warriors and throw ourselves at this project and make something beautiful.
My dream is to make an American MUJI. I want to find all the most American objects, like rubber duckies, to-go cups, or whatever, and purify them and design platonic representations of them and then give every customer the ability to customize the platonic representation and make it their own.
Things and patterns.
I want to make things, and patterns, and throw them together and create a world of really fucking weird things.
I know it sounds crazy, but this project has me wide eyed. It excites me.
I'm so excited right now.
I called my parents. I told them the plan. I told them we want to move to LA. I told them that I'm going to just fucking churn. I told them even if it fails I will learn the lessons of building something from nothing. Design, manufacturing, distribution, all of it. If I'm going to play ball in the world of physical objects, this is the way to learn.
They replied: "Do it."
They told me that when they started the store, they were 29. And they told each other then, "If we fail, we can always go back to a normal job. But we're 29, this is one of the last shots we can try this all before we have kids. We looked at each other and said OK. We're going to go for it." They told me I'm still so young. That this is the time to do the crazy things. I'm fucking going to do the crazy things. I want to spend my life making beautiful things.
Let's see how this goes.
Art, full steam ahead.